I watched a man get murdered.
Had just finished having a small celebration in the office with my coworkers for my special day. Dessert goodies, a few extra moments off from work.. an overall decent day. I had seen Alton’s face in the paper that I hastily stuffed into my bag as I ran to catch the train this morning, forgotten in the hustle and bustle of the day.
I was eating birthday cake.. and scrolling through my news feed during these spare free moments, when I ran across a video that auto-played upon scrolling. I absentmindedly clicked it, just in time to see him tackled to the ground.. Just in time to hear the gunshots. The screaming.
As the day progressed, my timeline warped into a funeral song. The prayers and tears of those affected dripping down the pages. The anger, the confusion plastered over so many people’s walls, while the same anger and confusion hung murals the size of burial grounds on my soul.
We are dying.
We are complying, and dying. We are resisting, and dying. Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.
I turned 26 today. On one of the hottest days of the summer so far… and I was chilled to my bones.
…But there’s a fire burning.
A fire that won’t easily be put out.
Dubai: oh what a magical, life-altering experience. I am forever grateful for this trip. It was a reminder of everything that I am, exposed me to everything that I am not, and helped me to embrace and love every bit of myself. I had a face-to-face, one-on-one, meet and greet with what real anxiety feels like. Driving there was an up close and personal look as to why this country is at the top of the charts for car accident fatalities. There are so many things I could say went wrong with the trip, so many things I could focus on aside from the fact that it was amazing, but this crash course in gratitude says that positive energy must be the main focus. Throughout the rest of this week, we’ll spend letters E through H on Dubai, and I’ll be sharing photos and stories of the wacky things we got ourselves into out there.
The last six months of my life have been an intense roller coaster. I’ve experienced some of the most “grown-up” scenarios of my adult life, made a few life-changing decisions, and reached a few huge milestones along the way. Through these trials, I’ve learned to be my biggest cheerleader. If I don’t have faith in me, who else will? I thought to myself. In these last few weeks, I have learned to be grateful for the challenges life has thrown at me.
Yep, you heard me right. Me, not-so-bright-side Sam, has been learning how to look at the bright side. All. The. Time. Soo many people when I say that this doesn’t come second nature to me. I promise you, just trust me on this one. This part of the gratitude journey has been my biggest hurdle. I slip up every single day. Seriously. The whole day will go by with me prospering. And then…
SMH. Yes. Just like that. Boom. Something happens–smacks me right in the face and I become the world’s best amateur break-dancer. Lol. But every day, I remind myself that even though I trip up, I can still make the choice to keep moving. I can refine my moves, practicing every day until my muscles remember what to do. Gratitude, like life, is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days are easier than others, but nothing lasts forever. I’m learning to dance it out like my favorite Grey’s Anatomy characters and love all parts of myself, well-behaved or not. 🙂
Words were my first love. I lost myself in books from the time I was two years old until now. When all else fails, I find myself sitting front row, first class, VIP and all that jazz to all the action–all the good stuff. It’s like a secret sweet escape as I flip through pages and soak up the sounds and sights as the author describes them. It’s like a movie in my head.
Like I said, self help books? Never been my cup of tea.. and I don’t even like tea. Or coffee. Hot chocolate only.. but I digress. Today, I am grateful for the books that have helped me in my most recent part of my life journey.
- The Bible
- Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
- The Gratitude Diaries by Janice Kaplan
Each has helped me in its own way, the Bible being the most influential and powerful in my life. The other two are more recent acquisitions that helped me to remember that being the human that I am is quite okay. I’m grateful for words and books that spread positive messages like wildfire.
Fan the flames 🙂
HAPPY APRIL 1st!!!!!! We made it!!! It’s time for the A to Z Blog Challenge and I’m so excited to be taking part for the 3rd year in a row. Yesterday, I revealed the theme of this year’s challenge: Gratitude. It’s been an interesting journey thus far and I’m happy that I can share this with you guys.
Some of you have probably been thinking:
There’s little and much to tell where the “dilly” is concerned, lol, but I’ll keep it brief. In the past year I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in Spanish, worked 2 full-time jobs, and started my own company after a few friends brought our brain-child to life. Stressed? Understatement of the century. Yeah, the money was amazing, but my lack of sleep, headaches, and overall decline in well-being wasn’t much motivation to get up in the morning after carrying on that way for over four months.
Prior to entering this journey of gratitude, I picked up Shonda Rhimes’s book The Year of Yes, and it was like relating to the characters in all of her shows that I binge watch. Literally. 11 seasons of Grey’s in 3 weeks. I’m disgusting. I know. This book had helped me to even open up to the possibility of thinking grateful thoughts (We’ll have Shonda talk a little further on this month). Let’s be honest, when you’re already down, it’s that much easier to nag, frown, and stay sad, than to go through the effort of uplifting yourself sometimes.
I knew, though I wasn’t particularly pleased about it, that my attitude would need a whole new level of adjustment for this experiment to yield any decent results. I got my last few shrugs, sighs, and eye rolls in before I exhaled and picked up what is now my gratitude diary. The more I purposely thought positively, the more natural it became. Don’t get me wrong, I have a looooooooooong way to go, but I think I’m off in the right direction.